The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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