a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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