I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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