I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
