After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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