Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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