he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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