He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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