woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
