Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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