tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
