Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
