I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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