I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Randomize
