i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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