babies were throwing up all over the place
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
