I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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