So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
