You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
worst night to have a conscience
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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