my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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