Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
