I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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