i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
