i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
