Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
