just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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