this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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