I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
