my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
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I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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