Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
cat food counts as protein by the way
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
