If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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