The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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