I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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