don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
do herpes really smell.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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