1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
