I wanna passion pit in your ass
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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