please come you make the beer taste better
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
