I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
