You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
