Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
