Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
