I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
