Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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