I'm jealous of your bromance
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
