i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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