I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
