pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
