You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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