I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
