i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
