careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
