operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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