News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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