Just fell off a train. Bad.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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