Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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