Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
