So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
