apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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