Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
