so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
