Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
