I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
