there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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