I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
