when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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