i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
