you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
