i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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