And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
