I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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