Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
