My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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