in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
