is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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