did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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