On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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