Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
