My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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