Midget sex pt 2 tonight
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
